You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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