I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
