Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
