talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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