She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize