for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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