I am in a vortex of obligation.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
