One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
