I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
