I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
