these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
