You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
