i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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