considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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