My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think your dad took our porno
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
