Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
