So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
