This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
