i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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