OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
