i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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