He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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