I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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