she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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