Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
