im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
