I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
