My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize