You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
