Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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