I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
