barbara walters just said penis...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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