god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
