ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
