Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
