At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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