Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
