My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Randomize
