"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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