im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
