she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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