If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
