that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
