Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
