she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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