im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
