High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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