tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
