OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
