I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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