Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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