Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
