Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
