Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
