Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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