So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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