Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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