She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
