tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
