and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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