honey bunches of taint.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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