Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize