Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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