in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have aggressive nipples.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
